remnants and completeness
Monday, February 22, 2010 9:02 PM

Have you ever had that feeling where you feel as though someone is still stuck inside you?  Remnants of their saliva and their being are being embedded to the farthest corners of your stomach.  No matter what you do you can’t get rid of that sharp, sweet taste.  Trying to induce vomiting but all you’re left with is tainted bitterness wishing you hadn’t in the first place.  Then you sort of miss them being inside because you realize how alone you are.  From there you go on this rigorous journey to fill that void with anything you put your greasy hands on.  For example, the closest person within arms length.  You know you two aren’t compatible but you force them inside of you regardless.  Kind of like forcing a puzzle piece into a mold it doesn’t belong.  Thus causing pains that could have been avoided in the first place.  From the inside they hurt you, and from being inside of you the acid surrounds them, and you hurt them.  Or it could be mindless entertainment.  Movies, television sets and video games to stop yourself from thinking, forgetting you even had the void to begin to with.  But each time you feel the corners of your stomach aching, wanting something then you remember that dark abyss you tried to forget.  Entertainment only lasts for so long.  Or maybe perhaps it’s the substance abuse.  For a few hours you can live with your void in peace, accepting it’s existence and believing that you don’t even mind it’s there in the first place.  But as you know, we all come down and the barrier you were held in falls, but doesn’t always shatter, but falls into the places reality holds them.
All of this because you let someone inside for the first time.  Before you were hurt, or knew how to hurt someone else.  When times were innocent and sweet.  Even as much as the void burns, it reminds you that you are alive.  And that you are looking.  Looking and thriving for completeness that could either be in your back pocket but cease to take it out, between the legs of a whore, or perhaps in the twinkle of someone else’s eyes.

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